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10am on a Saturday, sitting up in bed, reading, drinking my morning coffee that my love has bought to me. I suddenly felt compelled to share. Often what you need to do is get words out, even if people don’t read it, I have found many pieces of writing that have given me a sense of comfort. I don’t care. I like to write, I have emotions.

A couple of weeks ago, I got back to posting on my subscription platforms. Life was on the up, despite having a wisdom tooth pulled that week, I was feeling great. Enrolled into Uni, starting in February 2024. Easy.

Some may remember, back in June I had a seizure. 5 minute convulsing, foaming at the mouth, I had completely blacked out. I don’t remember a thing. Everyone around me took such great care of me, and I’m so grateful that I was not alone. Taken away in the ambulance, I rested that night. In the morning woke with an awful cold/flu, I rested that also. Got better, come July I did blood tests, MRI and an EEG.
Time went by, I felt fine, no seizures.

Waiting for my results, heard nothing. Just continued to live life, turned 27, went overseas travelled Bangkok and Cambodia with a close friend. Sounds so cheesy, I know, sue me, but after an event like this you feel a sense that life is too short, I need to do things. Hence my enrolment into Uni, mind you, I had everything filled out I just had to get the guts to actually click “Enrol” I underestimate myself, often.

The 30th of October rolls around, I receive a phone call from the hospital stating that they want to see me and they have my results, I didn’t know what to expected for the last 5 months people had been saying “no news is good news” I regretfully inform you, they were wrong. No news gives you a false sense of comfort. They were mistaken.
I go, I sit, I wait.
My name is called, they walk me through a maze of corridors, at the end is my room. “Please, sit” I hear in my left ear, swiftly they have exited the room before my butt cheeks have made contract with the chair.
I sit, I wait.
They show me images of my brain “see that part of your brain, that kind of looks like a worm” thanks Doc, it was amusing, but after just receiving the news that I have Epilepsy it felt wrong to laugh, but I smirked. That’s it, I have Epilepsy, it’s okay (I guess) I take the little blue pill in the am & pm. Two side effects I may experience, drowsiness, and heightened irritability/moodiness.
I wait.
That’s okay, if I don’t want to take medication or they don’t work I can just have brain surgery, the Doctor says in a very uplifting tone “we don’t use that part of the brain, anyway” I make this mistake often when meeting new people I have a bubbly/quirky tone/appearance, so they feel it is okay to also be light and fluffy. I need to stop doing that. He seems lovely, he reassures me that he has no right to tell me what to do with my body but “I highly recommend you do try this medication” I started them that night, currently 12 days in, 24 pills in.

I know this is a read, and it’s no sexually explicit erotica you’re reading here. This is something I will have for the rest of my life. I may have had this since I was young, and nothing has happened that was life threatening up until this point. It was a puzzle, moments that seemed strange, slightly vague, are now coming together beautifully and the diagnosis is the full picture. I had expressed these moments to another doctor, can’t for the life of my remember who.  Moments that I thought were possible panic/anxiety attacks. He got me to explain them again, with a slight nod and slow calm blink he responds “they’re not panic attacks, you’re having seizures.” Then goes on to explain them in ways that I was unable to put together, I only knew how they felt. This was last piece of the puzzle. I have (most likely) had this all of my life, ever since a young age feeling these moments, that only last 10 - 30 seconds, I just thought I was magic, no, I have Epilepsy but I am also magic.

Yours truly, Louisa Wood.